I was meditating today, with hundreds of other people, on Trafalgar Square, in a guided meditation led by Thich Nhat Hanh. It was a beautiful experience. The monks sang Namo Avalokiteshvara, which is like a gift from angels. And Hanh guided us through about an hour meditation.
I've felt sad, for three years really, to be so far away from home -- from the friends and family that I love. It's a feeling that's always there, even as I'm studying or doing things with friends here. It's easy to feel alone.
During the meditation, so many memories came to me...sitting alone in my dorm room in the Hague, feeling out of place in my school at the Institute of Social Studies there. Being upset and anxious with my groupmates last year at LSE. Getting to go home for the holidays...and always having to come back. Through it all, I have felt such a strong sense of separation.
But, as I continued to meditate, even with the tears streaming down my cheeks, as the monks continued to sing, I felt my heart lighten and my lips curl into a small smile. The warmth and love of their singing (a song which is meant to be one of total compassion) reminded me of the importance of love and the constancy of family and friends in my life. I suddenly felt that all of you are here with me. I felt enveloped by a community that can never really go away or leave me alone. It is ever-present. Even as life attempts to cake over it, as new experiences build and leave their mark, always there is that community underneath it all, beyond anything else, within us.
I suddenly thought of the very kind girl at the Van Gogh museum in the Hague who gave me a print for free, because it was the last one and it was damaged and I loved it so very much. Even strangers make up that community -- those who reach out to you. Like the monks that were singing, radiating their kindness and good intentions to hundreds of people they don't know.
And of course, all those I hold dear, who live back in the US or in other parts of the world. Thank you for your presence. Thank you for just being you.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
I am me
I just returned from a Dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hanh, one of my favorite Zen Buddhist writers. His words were so powerful, because he spoke entirely from the heart and with such calmness and kindness in his voice.
As I sat there, many thoughts and ideas passed through my head, but two in particular stood out to me. The first is that I became very aware that the 'me' I am now is still the same person as the 'me' that I was five or ten or fifteen years ago. Sometimes, in challenging periods of life and trying circumstances, I feel like I've lost my former self, some peace and grace and skillfulness at life that I used to have. It made me feel empowered, more whole, more alive to remember that I am still me -- the same me that was there in Raleigh, in Berkeley, in DC, in the Netherlands, and here in London. There is a continuity of life, of ourselves, of our values and the things we hold really dear, that are constant, reliable, in spite of what might be occurring in the present.
The other thing that really dawned on me as I was listening is the huge importance of gratitude. One of the things that he spoke about is that there is happiness available to us in the here and now. I've understood and absorbed this message in the past...but somehow it's so easy to forget, like sand sliding through your fingers. He spoke more specifically about the conditions of happiness. He said, there are many conditions of happiness, many things that make us happy -- including our breath (because we are alive!) and our eyesight (because we can see colors and life in front of us!). And, if we take a few minutes, he said, we could fill more than one page, more than two pages, many pages of the many conditions of happiness. And, if we think about it, even if, as he said, we have "just lost our job," there are many, many people in the world in worse situations. We do not need to wait, to look into the future, seeking out other conditions, in order to be happy. There is happiness available to us in the here and now. I think we see gratitude sometimes as a chore -- but really, it is something freeing. It allows us to always see the beauty in life, even in the darkest times.
If all else fails, I hope I remember that Thich Nhat Hanh and his community are there in sitting meditation, creating the energy of compassion for all of us, thinking of all of us and our world -- and that gives me strength. Not even your friends and family, but also so many other wonderful communities in the world are wishing for, praying for, and sending out intentions for your happiness and lessened suffering.
(you can view his talk here)
As I sat there, many thoughts and ideas passed through my head, but two in particular stood out to me. The first is that I became very aware that the 'me' I am now is still the same person as the 'me' that I was five or ten or fifteen years ago. Sometimes, in challenging periods of life and trying circumstances, I feel like I've lost my former self, some peace and grace and skillfulness at life that I used to have. It made me feel empowered, more whole, more alive to remember that I am still me -- the same me that was there in Raleigh, in Berkeley, in DC, in the Netherlands, and here in London. There is a continuity of life, of ourselves, of our values and the things we hold really dear, that are constant, reliable, in spite of what might be occurring in the present.
The other thing that really dawned on me as I was listening is the huge importance of gratitude. One of the things that he spoke about is that there is happiness available to us in the here and now. I've understood and absorbed this message in the past...but somehow it's so easy to forget, like sand sliding through your fingers. He spoke more specifically about the conditions of happiness. He said, there are many conditions of happiness, many things that make us happy -- including our breath (because we are alive!) and our eyesight (because we can see colors and life in front of us!). And, if we take a few minutes, he said, we could fill more than one page, more than two pages, many pages of the many conditions of happiness. And, if we think about it, even if, as he said, we have "just lost our job," there are many, many people in the world in worse situations. We do not need to wait, to look into the future, seeking out other conditions, in order to be happy. There is happiness available to us in the here and now. I think we see gratitude sometimes as a chore -- but really, it is something freeing. It allows us to always see the beauty in life, even in the darkest times.
If all else fails, I hope I remember that Thich Nhat Hanh and his community are there in sitting meditation, creating the energy of compassion for all of us, thinking of all of us and our world -- and that gives me strength. Not even your friends and family, but also so many other wonderful communities in the world are wishing for, praying for, and sending out intentions for your happiness and lessened suffering.
(you can view his talk here)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Believing things are possible
Last year, I had a thought and wrote it down in my journal: it seems people get depressed when either they feel like a failure or they feel like the world is failing them. So best to remember that neither is true :).
When you're young and, as they say, "bright-eyed," your eyes are shining and your dreams are vivid because you believe that things are possible - that beautiful, amazing, incredible things are both going to happen for you and are going to be brought about by you.
As you get older, for some reason, things seem less possible and you realize more of your own limits. But I think that things are still really possible -- incredible UNIMAGINABLE things! Maybe it's just that the things you grow to value most - the things that really really really matter - take a little more time and effort.
When you're a kid, you're fascinated by a shiny bracelet..when you're a little older, all you want is to hold a boy's hand. You want an A+ at first and then, later, you want to be published or promoted.
But it's worth remembering that the big things ARE possible -- both the ones you can do and the ones that have to be done for you. And, while you're waiting for those dreams to come true, it's worth remembering that the simple stuff, that you've laughed about and reveled in since you were a kid, are still pretty great too.
When you're young and, as they say, "bright-eyed," your eyes are shining and your dreams are vivid because you believe that things are possible - that beautiful, amazing, incredible things are both going to happen for you and are going to be brought about by you.
As you get older, for some reason, things seem less possible and you realize more of your own limits. But I think that things are still really possible -- incredible UNIMAGINABLE things! Maybe it's just that the things you grow to value most - the things that really really really matter - take a little more time and effort.
When you're a kid, you're fascinated by a shiny bracelet..when you're a little older, all you want is to hold a boy's hand. You want an A+ at first and then, later, you want to be published or promoted.
But it's worth remembering that the big things ARE possible -- both the ones you can do and the ones that have to be done for you. And, while you're waiting for those dreams to come true, it's worth remembering that the simple stuff, that you've laughed about and reveled in since you were a kid, are still pretty great too.
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